On Childlessness


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On Childlessness

I’ll never know success
As counted as a thing
I’m not particularly happy with things
Not more cheerful with luxury

Our share of morning
Comes most often with belonging
And special souls as passing stars
I admit to lose and gain is ecstasy

I’ll never know in limp listening
Of a lonely lifetime
What it makes to know defeat
And tasting it so personally

To those who have abandoned us
And to those who could not understand
I’ll never know success of intimacy
Like some others do so spontaneously

I’ll be the descendent of a witness
I’ll be the selflessness lost in moments
That were forever eternal presents
I know I won’t be remembered
I’ll have no living legacy.

I Would Like to be the Air that Inhabits you for a Moment


29

I would like to watch you sleeping
But for that to happen, you’d have to let me in
Let me into your life, learn to trust

Have me near indefinitely –
I’ve been lonely for too long
I would like to sleep with you

A smooth dark wave drifting over us
My toes on your heels, my arm
Over your hip, your hair – in my face

I’ve been sleeping alone, on a hard bed
Staring at poverty, nobody stares back at me
I would like to watch you sleeping

On those days I stay up, thanking
Someone out there, for keeping you here
Because I fear the watery sun of abandonment

Every month you stay, is a silver star
In my heart getting stronger, more alive
But there are no promises, when you make

Somebody else the center of your dream
I would like to watch you sleeping
But right now, you are sleeping with somebody else.

Battered by Words of Sad Gold


24

Often, as I awake in my room
I am the first person holding a candle
To myself, the one that murmurs
In his dreams, weeping

These are the days, I wake up to
Empty fountains, ringing bells
For a world that falters
Nearly as much as I do

My lips taste timid metals
My mouth raw with hunger
To enter the capital of the opposite of indifference
I am sick with solitude

My eyes are lost to the nights
I end up staying home, too late alone
I see another solemn evening pass
There goes my life, it weighs upon me

I am the first and last person, I talk to
Each day, the mouth that cries
No water from these eyes at noon
When the world expects my strength

Summer sheds her petals in soft agonies
It’s only in Spring, I stare and stand before
The large white house, and ponder
The clarity of extinguished things

Like memory, like the angels of the soul
Beneath the slow martyrdom of strain
I spread my heart thin in massive words
Letters, poems, that don’t amount to much.

That I Hold You Forever


23

I have too much ingratitude for children
Too much dysfunction for marriage
It’s time to pour into my flute all
That I have left, the sum of shepherd-thoughts

Simplicity, of this life of neglect
According to its own rhythms
With the sustained voice of its own
Infinite exchange, dancing sums

I only have blank joys, to decorate my heart
Outlined ideals I would share with my friends
Imaginary beauty, lovely years left lonely
My suns will quickly run their course

Have their due, their little sport
Of wishing, and complete tender rounds
Of giving and secret fidelities
I own to much narcissism for family

With too much of a conscience for defeat
Toward all life embracing it from afar
The turbulent troubles between my inner shores
Are my last excuses saved for the future

A future where everyone is going to die
It suffices me to deepen, to endure
With vaster concerns than I am now capable
I am ashamed, since your departure

At the premature immaturity of my supplications
The light-fingered censure of my woe
To you, in whom I don’t confide, know this –
I have tasted the thirst that magnifies us.