I’ve Had Only Cruel Lovers


48

I hurt once and for all
Into silence, I retreat into
Ivory Towers, inner strength
To find sustenance, against abandonment

I have no more praise left –
For the friends who have left
Let me cry Help beside you
Mostly by seeking to aid you

I hurt once and for all
After heartbreak, I feel the great distance
Between me and all of society
I hurt once and for all

The wed red tongued alienation
Of bitter defeats, judged not desirable
I have no honor, as a son even
I hurt once and for all

After dysfunctional family ties
Linger like morbid displays of duty
I hurt once and for all
As an angry teacher of human cruelty

I have no more patience left
For rejection, for honesty
I hurt once and for all, by default
The smell that burning cities give
Of hearts left alone in their toil.

Good Night to the Ideal of Marriage


24

I took a blessing for the flowers
Tightening around me in the night
Like precious fertile years
Lost, to my individuality
Jealous with knots of
Passionate self-interest

Like dust under
An unused wedding gown
Then I followed the day
That turned into lonely decades
The terror of being unable to build building-blocks
Of love, of family, of normalcy

I heard stories that turned into theory
At weddings, of people who never made it
Girls sailing over the blooms of my mouth
I was getting old for watching them
With a hungry face, or a heavy heart
In the end I had disdain for the fragments

Of small affections I accumulated
The cynicism spilled while watching friends
Busy in their nesting frenzies
I took a blessing for the flowers
As you harvested the beauty of your worth
Light and splendor, like sleeping orchids

Woke up in you, when you became a mother
But I wasn’t to be your husband
Nor would I be invited to the holy procession
Of your vault of the power of the bonds that do not die

Long live the unknown machine
Of heart, that I was unable to grow
Into finely meshed lives of stable prosperity.